walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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