just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
