Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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