those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
