I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
