i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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