you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
