omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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