You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize