mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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