Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
