I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
