she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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