We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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