true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
