You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize