I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
