What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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