apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
