my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
