If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
