Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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