You made me cry and you don't even care
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
