I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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