ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
