We're facebook friends in real life
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
