apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
