If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
