5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
