You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize