i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
