I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize