well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
