What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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