Where is the hickey?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's not cheating when I paid for it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
