oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
