This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
