you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
