i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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