you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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