i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
