david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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