I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
