are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
