I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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