Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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