So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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