i think i have two assholes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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