The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
