You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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