i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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