If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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