im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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