i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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