butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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