I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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