how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Houston, we have a squirter
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize