chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
