I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
