I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
