we're blogging at a bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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