I saw his package. It spoke to me.
false alarm. still invincible.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize