This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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