Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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