OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
