who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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