I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
