I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
