Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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