Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
