a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
