On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
