We won't sleep together?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
