toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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